I haven't active on them socials lately because uh......
I ain't shit to myself. I haven't posted ANYTHING because I don't feel talking about how shitty I was to my apartment, to my art, to my body, like ugh.... It is not something positive to speak about and my insta feed is already blue, so imagine saying that I'm feeling 'blue' and depressed and frustrated and mad and all these negative emotions.
I don't wanna talk about that shit, my favorite color is pastel blue because it keeps me calm and energized. I don't want my aesthetic to be associated with all the negativity in my mind , I don't want peeps on the internet to see it that way. 😔💔
I need to vent so:
I haven't cleaned my apartment in six weeks, nor my bathroom, my bed, my table, the fucking dark part of the kitchen ( fridge ), the normal part of my kitchen and the dishes. I managed to do the laundry, 'cause *DING🔔 DING🔔* a niggx need clothes and underweres in this life. I BARELY cooked, always trynna find an excuse to eat at a friends place or order expensive food that had a lot of fat and sugar and salt and all the other shit that can literally make you gain weight.
I spent six weeks of my life watching USELESS VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE because I couldn't find the motivation to do my artistic creations. Everyday after the internship, I just spent all evening until two AM watching them youtubers having the time of their lives and paying them via adsense, like fuck the sanity out of me,right?✌🏾 Fuck. I felt shame of not doing my own videos with all the ideas that I had and still have in my mind, my artistic ideas and all of the other things in my creative being.
I do not have the perfect blogger life✨, but I fucking want this shit. I am TIRED of being lazy and not doing things 'cause ''what are people on the internet might think of it, huh???'', like no, fuck that shit.😠 I am fucking done. I can't spend up to twenty hours a week on my damn iPhone scrolling pass other peeps lives and liking and haha-ing their shit ( I genuinely do love my friends on the net, I'm just mad at myself ) while the device itself is dying with ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the fucking micros updates that Apple keep sending only for the new phones. Like niggx, enough is fuking enough💢💢💢?!?!?!?!
I am not like them folks who use their facebook/instagram/twitter as a micro blog where they vent out their frustration of something in theirs lives and it can disappear within 24 hours or they can easily delete it. I created this website so peeps can be interested in my life. I will nerve again stop myself to write about something on my damn blog because I am too scared of others peeps opinions. When you put shit out there on the net, ANYONE can have an opinion of what you posted because it is the culture. I do not care anymore. I am paying monthly for this fucking service, Imma use the way I freaking want. It is my voice and I can say whatever I want.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk
Signed,
Sion and their problematic life on this bih